Sunday, June 27, 2021

The mid-year "light almost at the end of the tunnel" report


"It's the story of my life, really: trying to figure out how to get where I want to go when just getting out the door seems impossible." --Chris Hadfield




2021 was marked by the anniversary of the pandemic lockdown, and just when I thought I had hit the peak of being stressed and sleepless from 2020, this year served up a fresh alphabet soup lockdown buffet. If my sleep had been fragmented last year due to anxiety, this year it was in pieces that barely helped my mental state, creating a loop guaranteed to make me and anyone around me miserable. 


In the first quarter of the year, I got by on two or four hours' worth of sleep, feeling like it would be a matter of time before COVID-19 would infect me. Despite being able to work from home, there would be times when I would need to go to my office --a prospect that terrified me, despite the health precautions I would take. It didn't help discovering that two colleagues had become sick, acquiring the coronavirus from an in-office encounter with a third party.

As it turned out, I was infected in another way: with fear, the insidious kind that threatens to cripple you. The kind that prevents you from going out for a simple walk (which was a source of joy), as if the coronavirus was lurking out there, waiting to snatch whatever peace of mind I had left. And it didn't help that I felt the weight of certain responsibilities weighing heavily on me.

My non-working sleepless hours were spent trying to tire myself out, or doing what I thought would be productive projects --like dabbling in baking a cake using a rice cooker. Or making cold brew coffee.
While the products weren't spectacularly awesome, I could at least eat/drink something in the dead of night or early dawn.

But of course these were just tiny plaster bandages for the gaping trauma of pandemic stress. And a turning point was reached when my regular online session with my counselor, while temporarily comforting, still didn't address the sleeplessness/anxiety. It was time to ask for help from another quarter.

Trying to call the helpline indicated on my HMO card proved futile, as it seemed that it was perpetually swamped with other callers. Fortunately, a good friend concerned about my mental health offered to sponsor a session with a reputable psychiatrist, and I figured by this time I had nothing to lose except my sanity. 



The doctor who heard my case was compassionate, humorous, and matter-of-fact, prescribing medication that would address the anxiety. And in the days that followed, adjusting to the meds, I decided to take some half-days off. It was like I had acquired insulation for the raw and exposed electricity of emotions triggered by stress and anxiety that had previously gone haywire. Best of all, I was able to sleep --a minimum of six hours, a maximum of eight. After three weeks, my dosage has been scaled down upon the advice of my doctor, and I'm able to do without them on weekends. In the end, I might even be able to do without them altogether.

I was lucky to get the help I needed, and probably just in time. 
  

One of my inspirations for finally getting the help I needed was a friend named Karen, who passed away earlier this year due to COVID-19. During one of the online get-togethers/memorials held in her honor, people reminded each other to be as brave and gusty as she was, to live her life/truth as she did. She was no stranger to struggle, and fought tooth and nail to be able to enjoy life, bravely seeking qualified help when she needed it. A friend designated by Karen to give away her books in the event of her passing posted the collection, stipulating that each person was entitled to one book.  

At this point in time, I'm vaccinated (yes, I was able to conquer my fear of getting out of the house to get shot #1, and am due for the next in mid-July), and while it will take some time for me to get over my pandemic fears, I'm just going to take things a day at a time --or even a half-day at a time if I have to. The light at the end of the tunnel might be closer than I think it is, but in the meantime I'm going to do something I haven't been able to do in some time: dream (literally and figuratively).

And hope.








-.-.-.-.-
This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis.  The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The “Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with Teleperformance as sponsor.





 

2020 in pictures






 

Thursday, June 24, 2021

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Dessert Comes First (the book!)

Had a good eyeful of this book some days before it hit the bookshelves. Such a treasure. Am proud of what my friend the author achieved. Blood, sweat, tears--and soul.
Portrait: Dessert Comes First: The Book. 
September 5, 2013
http://dessertcomesfirst.com/archives/11710/

http://dessertcomesfirst.com/archives/11710/

Friday, February 25, 2011

Jess Abrera's illustrations


The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. In this case, punk musician and Kikomachine Komix artist Manix Abrera is the son of editorial cartoonist and sometime book illustrator Jess Abrera who came up with the iconic Guyito (carabao mascot) of the Philippine Daily Inquirer. And these visuals for the Nick Joaquin story "Sarimanok vs.Ibong Adarna" (apparently posting the photos of "Lilit Bulilit" hit a chord with some who remember it as a gruesome and scary story :D)

 (pardon the black and white photocopy look...this actually was supposed to be material for a final thesis I was supposed to do...but most of my index cards were thrown out my my mom back then. was in a major funk after that.)

 the whimsical story is about how a bunch of kids in one neighborhood started a crazy game of one-upmanship with fantastic pets (live bears, snakes...) which had some kids making up their own super-cool "pets" like the Sarimanok that could disintegrate people with death rays shooting out of its eyes, and the Ibong Adarna whose singing could put the listener into a deep sleep (and if you were unlucky enough to get pooped on by the mythical bird, you'd be turned to stone).
 
 Things get out of hand and the pets escape and wreak havoc (siblings disintegrating or being turned to stone...something that would get you into trouble with the parents if they found out).
 So the owners team up (against their will) and capture the beasties and set things right again.
Sorta. :D